Computer Quotes

1. 'Heard of the new version of Windows from MS ? It is called CEMENT —
CE+ME+NT'

2. 'Computer are like air conditioners: they stop working when you open
windows.'

3. 'Difference between a virus and windows ? Viruses rarely fail.'

4. 'Windows: Just another pain in the glass.'

5. 'A Windows user spends 1/3 of his life sleeping, 1/3 working, 1/3 waiting.'

6. 'What does the Start button do — isn't the computer already running ?'

7. 'Why should I press the Start button to turn the computer off ?'

8. 'Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft
building progress by weight.'

9. 'Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. NO is the answer.'

10. 'If at first you don't succeed, work for Microsoft.'

11. 'I can't use Windows. My cat ate my mouse.'

12. 'Ever notice how fast Windows runs ? — Neither did I.'

13. 'DOS: No serial number required.
95/98/SE: To cut down on casual piracy, enter this serial number.
Win2K: Since that didn't work, it might phone home unless you ask nicely that
it not phone home.
XP: Since that didn't work, it won't activate until you let it phone home.
Don't worry, we won't nuke existing installations.
Vista: Since that didn't work, we'll nuke any box that stops phoning.'

14. 'DOS never says 'EXCELLENT command or filename'.'

15. 'Your mouse has moved. Windows NT must be restarted for the change to take
effect. Reboot now ? [OK]'

16. 'The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents.'

17. 'E-mail — When it absolutely, positively has to get lost at the speed of light.'

18. 'Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...'

19. 'Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...'

20. 'Those who can't write programs, write help files.'

21. 'Ooops... My brain just hit a bad sector.'

22. 'If it's there and you can see it — it's real.
If it's not there and you can see it — it's virtual.
If it's there and you can't see it — it's transparent.
If it's not there and you can't see it — you erased it !'

23. 'Relax, its only ONES and ZEROS !'

24. Login: yes
Password: i dont have one
'password is incorrect'

Login: yes
Password: incorrect

25. 'Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users ?'

26. 'This manual says what our product actually does, no matter what the
salesman may have told you it does.'

27. 'Artificial Intelligence usually beats natural stupidity.'

28. 'The world is coming to an end... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS !'

29. 'Press CTRL-ALT-DEL now for an IQ test.'

30. Users /nm./: collective term for those who use computers.

Users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate and expert.
Novice Users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their
computer.
Intermediate Users: people who don't know how to fix their computer after
they've just pressed a key that broke it.
Expert Users: people who break other people's computers.